I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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