You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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