yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
