First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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