for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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