I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I don't deserve a penis
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
