Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
