there's paper in my vomit.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
