She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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