Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
