shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
