Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
