Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
