i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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