I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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