Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
