He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
