I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
