omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
