Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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