i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
