I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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