Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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