My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
