i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
