I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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