One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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