he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
