love makes seman taste better
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
