you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
