i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
