She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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