and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
