I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
