Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Boobs are out for the taking
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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