well I can't set my house on fire every night
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize