This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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