I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
