the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
