I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
