Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
