ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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