I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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