Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
