And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
