laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
