I think I won the penis lottery.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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