If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
