I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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