We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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