She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
