using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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