Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
All I want is dick and wine.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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