I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
