It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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