the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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