I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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