i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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