As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
is wine microwaveable?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
