I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
