Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
