He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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