Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You left your phone here
Wait...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
