I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
