Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
