I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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