definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
