Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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