Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
