Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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