Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
