life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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