Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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