I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
