We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
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I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
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My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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